Originally Posted by
Tuffgirl 
Unfortunately, for many alcoholics/addicts, these behaviors do not disappear when one stops drinking. It's a habit, a defense mechanism, and often, a personality that has been long standing. Denial for the addict is very hard to give up, and as I have been told by many old-timers in AA, 12 step programs take years to become ingrained. To ask someone to become "emotionally healthy" is a tall order, as someone else here has already said. It's essentially asking him to change fundamentally, and that can take a long time.
Just my humble opinion...
~T
T - yep... so that list contains the diagnostic criteria for someone with NPD or Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It takes a trained person observing and testing someone to make that diagnosis and NOBODy should ever go around grading that test for somebody then telling them they have a personality disorder - THAT would be psychological abuse.
There were some things described here that are big flashing lights to me such as the grandiose thinking and his feeling so threatened by the OP's seeking help. That could just mean he's an arrogant and controlling asshat when he is actively drinking :-)
...Curious about the empathy part. Lots of people have 3-4 of the traits on that list but the empathy one is kinda the kicker.
I had an ex accuse me of this and after we split her therapist (according to her) said that she did not need to be in therapy at all and was perfectly normal and healthy but I was almost surely NPD. I read about and was scared to death, OMG - what if I am a monster who will destroy his loved ones, ruin his daugher and is too sick to even see it?
LOL, so when I talked to my therapist about it, all upset because it was that post divorce emotional wreck time anyway, I asked him to test me and help me figure out if I had this since my mom did. He laughed. He said that by virtue of the fact that I was scared to death that I might have that particular malady because of what it could do to my loved ones there was no need to look further. Nobody with NPD would care.
Note: Once I started reading I realized I was reading a perfect description of my ex when she drank... It was there sober but after a few drinks it just jumped out.