I'm with LTD.... I read your posts Lizatola... and they are all about HIM. What he needs to do. How he needs to change. Him. Him. Him.
Who's to say he needs to change? Maybe he's perfectly happy with himself the way he is? If who he IS doesn't work for you... well, that's YOUR problem. Not his.
I HATED... absolutely HATED coming to terms that I was part of the problem. I HATED when I realized that every time I defended myself from his nonsensical attacks... I WAS PICKING UP THE ROPE!!! I was participating...actively... by my own choice. Ugh. I was keeping the merry-go-round spinning.
What set me free was - "What other people think of me is none of my business... especially including my darn AH!!!"
Stop picking up the rope.
P.S. What helped me was a little visual my therapist came up with. He told me to picture the words coming out of my AH's mouth as a baseball... I had a choice. I could catch the ball and throw it back (ie. participate in the game) or I could let it fly by me. It really helpe to SEE that I had a choice to engage or not. After I figure it out... I realized that 80-90% of the crap coming out of my AH's mouth... was NOT worth catching!!!