Originally Posted by
lizatola 
Mike, at first I didn't agree here but I realize that you're probably right. He's always thought that everyone else needs to change to fit his mold. He also made it very clear to the MT that he thinks all humans are stupid and that he is better than everyone else. The MT challenged him on it, but AH stuck to his guns and seriously believes that people just don't get it. He probably thinks that HE IS the healthy one and that everyone else has the problem!
So, the question still remains: if I give up my defending myself against his verbal attacks, if I give up my desire to be right, and if I strive for happiness; will I still be able to stay married to someone like this with or without alcohol? He is so threatened by all thebpositive stuff I am doing, too, and he's constantly attacking me about it. Makes recovery even tougher for me because I defend my Al Anon meetings and sponsors, etc.
Ruh-Roh Raggy.
No, you do not have to defend your meetings and sponsors (assuming female sponsors). You have to simply be willing to do what you need to stay sane, period. That is a healthy boundary (I just doscovered those, really cool huh?)
How many of these describe him? The ones I bolded sound eerily familiar to a past spouse of mine...
�
Feels grandiose and self-important (e.g., exaggerates accomplishments, talents, skills, contacts, and personality traits to the point of lying, demands to be recognised as superior without commensurate achievements);
� Is obsessed with fantasies of unlimited success, fame, fearsome power or omnipotence, unequalled brilliance, bodily beauty or sexual performance, or ideal, everlasting, all-conquering love or passion;
�
Firmly convinced that he or she is unique and, being special, can only be understood by, should only be treated by, or associate with, other special or unique, or high-status people (or institutions);
� Requires excessive admiration, adulation, attention and affirmation - or, failing that, wishes to be feared and to be notorious;
� Feels entitled. Demands automatic and full compliance with his or her unreasonable expectations for special and favourable priority treatment;
� Is "interpersonally exploitative", i.e., uses others to achieve his or her own ends;
�
Devoid of empathy. Is unable or unwilling to identify with, acknowledge, or accept the feelings, needs, preferences, priorities, and choices of others;
�
Constantly envious of others and seeks to hurt or destroy the objects of his or her frustration. Suffers from persecutory (paranoid) delusions as he or she believes that they feel the same about him or her and are likely to act similarly;
�
Behaves arrogantly and haughtily. Feels superior, omnipotent, omniscient, invincible, immune, "above the law", and omnipresent (magical thinking). Rages when frustrated, contradicted, or confronted by people he or she considers inferior to him or her and unworthy.
Just curious as to how many of those you would check and whether you would only check the box when he is drinking. Funny how alcoholism can mimic other disorders...