Start at the beginning.
Can you accept being verbally attacked by your husband/housemate/banker/anyone?
The question of defending or ignoring verbal attacks is assuming you are accepting them.
See?
If the answer to the first question is "No" the second question is not how to handle them but how to protect yourself from them to begin with.
More ways then one to answer all those questions. 'No' doesn't automatically mean leaving/separating but it puts things in a different perspective. It changes the options.