Yes, life is filled with contradictions, as we all know. But I guess when dealing with an addict, the contradictions are just very extreme: extreme good times (in my case at least) and then extreme bad times too. I told my story to my aunt and she was like "holy wow: that sounds like a horror film!" And way too much confusion in between. Maybe that is often why I am so attracted to addicts: tends to be that they are intense people and I like to feel things intensely. I feel like I've "matured" now perhaps and would prefer to have good times that are less high and bad times that are less excruciatingly low as well. Trying to grow up so that life is less of a rollercoaster!