Lol
Gottmans seven principles book was the best thing I have ever read. It just made so much sense to me. When I decided to go forward and ask my darling and very pregnant wife to marry me, little fixer me was just so focused on getting her to read it with me and do the exercises. She was not ready to and came to call it the GDB - goddambook.
So with our little adventure over her lapse last weekend a few things happened:
1. The sun came up in the east, I know as I was sitting on the beach freaking out and had a great view.
2. I spent a lot of time here and at alanon this week and realized how much time and energy I have been wasting being stupid trying to control that which I did not cause, cannot cure and cannot control.
3. After several folks here and in my local alanon group succeeded in their group community service project to pull my head out of my ass I sat down with AW and apologized for blaming her for all of the stress and worry I caused myself in my misguided and frantic attempts to solve all this crap.
4.... Came home from al-anon meeting tonight and wife was reading the goddambook and telling me how great the goddambook is since she has been reading it most of the day.
I found a really great counselor a few months ago and he had great advice for what to do when you find yourself in a tug of war with your spouse... Drop the friggin rope.
Wife having one drink after 8 months of sobriety seemed like the end of the world, now it looks more like the beginning of MY recovery. Letting go and focusing on what I can control and what is - as opposed to was and will be... Has been quite freeing.
I hate my wife's alcoholism... But I love her madly and am so proud of the courage and determination she's shown and embarrassed by my failure to treat her like the awesome woman she is instead of like the irrational child that exists only in the presence of booze.
Sigh. Growing up is a bitch