Originally Posted by
lonewolf68 
but its so hard, when its so easy to just spend $6 on a bottle and all the pain goes away
But the pain doesn't go away. If you really think about it, I bet you'll find you are in no less pain even with the booze in your veins. You know you do have to stop and it sounds like you really need some medical help fast. I'd take hospital/prison over continuing to feel the way you are feeling.
Could you at least make an appointment with a doctor? Have someone drive you and go no matter what, even if you are plastered? If you refuse to do rehab, maybe at least you can get some medical help.
Fight for your life and your sobriety first, then you can fight for your family.