"I told you so" is a crappy thing for anyone to say.
I'm sorry you had a bad night.
I see some things in your description that hit home for me.
Couple thoughts:
1. Borrowed from Gottman: sarcasm is a form of contempt. There are complaints, criticisms and contempt. Complaints are fine, the other two destroy.
2. After a week of hell dealing with the emotional fallout of my AWs lapse in recovery I realized I wanted the wrong things. I wanted my wife to be emotionally and physically healthy and want her to manage her life more effectively. That's a crummy goal since I can't attain it... She can. Now I want to be emotionally and physically healthy, manage MY life better and be happier and at peace. My wife can't do that, I can. She could make it harder or easier but I need to own my stuff and she had to own hers.
So in number two that is a bigtime do as I say not as I do but that's what I am shooting for. You can't make someone be a great spouse, you can only be one.
It's hard to do that when you feel like the other spouse is not doing their part but if I do my part I am going to feel good about me and I am going to have a much chance of influencing my wife by being someone she wants to be around and being loving and kind.
It ain't easy but I am learning it is simple.
Take a breath, a bad session of counseling is better than no session, progress hurts.