Loneowolf your are not alone. Look at all the people on this forum who don't even know you yet they love you and want to help you.you can do it. You posted on this forum so that must mean that you still have hope for yourself. I believe as others have said that you do need some serious detox, followed by outpatient therapy. I'm sorry I'm not in your area to know of any free resources but there must be some. Maybe others will know. And AA is free. I am new to this forum but have been reading it for about a month before I had the guts to join. Just know you are not alone in this and we are all pulling for you! Please keep posting.