Here's what I said the last time someone asked that question:
I've tried to make it fit neatly. It doesn't. I think we want stories to be coherent and make sense and fit. My marriage doesn't. It's like a movie that doesn't know which genre it wants to be. It started as a romantic chick movie, turned into a drama, and then into a horror movie. It was all of those things. There were moments of great fun, there were moments of beauty, there were moments where I felt love, regardless of what he felt. And then there was the ugliness and terror.
It doesn't make sense. And that's OK. It can be that way.
Since then, I've learned to accept more that there were good times. I can even talk about things we used to do that were fun. Comments AXH made that were hilarious or insightful etc. I find after a couple of years that it's more difficult for other people than it is for me, to fit it all together. You chip away at the contradictions a little bit every day.