Poh'sFriend, I am so impressed with your heart, your love for this lovely and troubled woman, your unwavering commitment to the health and welfare of your children, and your willingness and ability to take in new information and process it with great introspection.
You are quite something, and ought to be very very proud of yourself. The ethical and moral issues that you are struggling with are as complex as any I've seen on this forum, and you are tackling them with integrity, compassion, and clear focus.
No one can control or even predict the outcome of a situation. Whatever happens, I think that you can rest assure that you are doing, and will continue to do, the absolute best you can, and that is all anyone can do.
More power to you, we're all here rooting for you, your children, and your AW. With just one slip in her pregnancy, I think the chances are good that your son will be normal. I believe that the most dangerous time for drug and alcohol abuse is earlier in the pregnancy when the core systems are forming in the fetus. By 7 months, according to my son and daughter-in-law who just had healthy twins, 6 weeks pre-mature, the lungs are gathering capacity to breathe on their own, and the baby is readying to live on its own. I'd check with a neo-natologist to find out what the risks really are. It is so easy to imagine far worse than what the truth might be.
I got a book for my son/daughter-in-law called In The Womb on line from National Geographic that gave fabulous detailed information on the development of a fetus. NOVA on-line also has wonderful DVDs including Life's Greatest Miracle that you can order. This might be something that your wife would find helpful, as well, as she struggles to keep her addiction in check. Knowing specifically what is happening at the moment as her baby grows might help her connect more viscerally with the risks of drinking again. And sharing the book and DVD could be a very positive thing to do together and help you both move from conflict into the beginnings of sharing and caring for this soon -to -be born child.
On a recent threat (oops what a Freudian slip, I meant "recent thread" !!!), I posted about more of my STBXAH's despicable and unreal behavior, and I asked what actually does a real husband do? I don't think, after almost 20 years, I have any idea of how a normal, loving husband would treat me. Reading your thread, digesting your attitudes and responses, is giving some real insight into what a loving husband does. Thank you.
BothSidesNow