This is going to sound odd, but I got a lot of help from a book called "How Can I Forgive You, and the Freedom Not To" by Janis Abrahm Springs. For me I did not have room for the good for a bit because it had finally hit me how bad it had gotten (it is amazing the depth of feeling when denial goes away).
This was a straightforward book that for me gave me a lot of permission to feel what I was feeling, and to not "beat myself up," that it did not look a certain way.
I am still not there yet, and that is okay as long as I keep putting one foot in front of the next.