Thanks guys,
I am learning.
You are right about the before baby comes and after baby comes issue. Before baby comes if she drinks I can (HAVE TO) do something and presumably the doctors would not hesitate to admit her until the baby is safely born.
After? Hmmmm. Tuff and Smacked - you guys just put a good dent in my thick head, thank you for that.
I don't have to solve it or try to manage her recovery. I need to know what my boundaries are and stick to them. I would not allow someone who is under the influence of drugs to care for my infant and I am not willing to take care of an addict who is using. That was misery for me.
So maybe for now we see what the docs say tomorrow and if there is any sign whatsoever of drinking before the baby comes I just need to handle it like any other threat to my child - whatever is safest for child wins, period.
After the baby comes you are right, it really is up to her and she can be sober or she can use. My boundary is that my child can't be left in the care of someone who is using and I won't take care of someone who is intoxicated.
That isn't easy but it is simple isn't it? I know I am not willing to give up on her if she goes 8 months sober and has one drink then does everything possible to get back on the right path. I also know that I am not willing to deal with her or let her be around a baby if she is drunk.
So I suppose it is pretty simple. I need to figure out what the 'line' is, find a way to communicate it respectfully and then stick to it. It's somewhere between had one drink after 8 months and laying around drunk and incapable of caring for herself and/or an infant. Maybe Al-anon and my counselor an help me figure out that line and meanwhile I will pray that I am not forced to define it too soon.
Thanks guys. I am sure you are rolling your eyes a bit and thinking "this poor knuckleheaded fool" like watching Wily Coyote follow the Roadrunner into the tunnel where inevitably the ACME Locomotive is just going to knock the snot out of him.
.... Hoping won't change anything, being the best me that I can and leaving the rest ot her and accepting that it's in God's hands is pretty much all I can do.
Do you have any freakin idea how hard it is for a Myers-Briggs
ENTJ, Scorpio, Male to see a %^&*# problem and just leave it to others to solve?
