Here I am again...no surprise for any of you, I'm sure.
So my boyfriend left the sober house abruptly last month because he was "sick of it".
So he came home to live at his mother's house. "We" found a puppy, so now I have something that ties me to him (good or bad? I don't know how I feel about it).
But anyways, on Friday we were going to be going away to his family's house in Maine which isn't too far from where we live (about a 2 hour drive) for the long weekend. I get to his house at 5:30pm on Friday, call him to ask where he is because his car isn't there, and he says that he's going to pick up one of our mutual friends who lives a few towns away because this guy was coming with us to Maine. So an hour passes, I call, he says that he's at this guy's house talking to his father. Another hour passes, I call, he says he's still at this guy's house. Finally, after three hours of waiting, they come back to the house. They walk in with empty beer cans, throw them in the trash, and I quickly get a look at my boyfriend and I can tell that something is weird. He looks different. He looks high. So I say to him, "come here, I want to see you" because I was in the light, and wanted to get a look at his eyes. He quickly goes outside (it's dark out) and says that we need to get on the road already because it's late. So I open the car door and the light inside the car goes on and I can see his eyes and immediately know he's high. I ask and he says that he's had a couple of beers and he swears up and down he's not high. He's nodding off at the wheel so I make him pull over, and he opens the car door and throws up on the side of the highway. He then admits that he's high and he took a percocet. He's nodding off the entire ride to Maine, we get up there and he's throwing up outside. He finally tells me what happened. His story is:
This friend of his that was coming to Maine with us came over and said he was dope sick and asked my boyfriend if he knew anyone who sold heroin. Apparently my boyfriend called all of these people he used to know and couldn't find any, so this guy found someone in Brockton that he knows and the both of them drove to Brockton, got high, and then came back to his house and we left for Maine. My boyfriend says that he didn't even want to get high and he was just giving this guy a ride there because he doesn't have a license. But I guess once he saw the heroin, he wanted to get high. He swears up and down that he doesn't want to do this and he's never doing it again and it's not even enjoyable because he just gets sick all the time.
But I know deep down that heroin isn't a drug you can just pick up and put down whenever you feel like it. If he isn't high everyday, he will be very soon.
I don't even know what to think. I'm disgusted. Then when I talked to him last night about how he did heroin on Friday and won't even go to any AA/NA meetings, and he needs to go and blah blah blah he tells me that I'm "dwelling on the past". I said to him that I'm not stupid and I know that you can't just decide you're going to do heroin one time and that's it, and he said that he "can and obviously has done it".
His mother is going to drug test him tomorrow I think, so we'll see then if he's still high.
I want to die. I feel like, I've waited for almost a year for him to be clean/sober and now, within 1 month of getting out of the sober house, he's back on heroin again.
What a vicious cycle. I'm destroyed.