Originally Posted by
Thumper 
With my xah the drinking changed but it was still progressive. It wasn't less destructive, just different.
When I first met him he drank frequently but also got very very drunk. Over time that pattern changed and he got very very drunk much less often but he drank every day. Sometimes that would ease up a bit to just a couple a day (like after one of our children were born) but he's an alcoholic so he always slid back down that hill - a little bit further each time. He'd drink daily with occasional weekends away with is brothers that I didn't witness but I'm sure were binges. The amount he drank each day slowly increased.
That was over a period of years and the other parts you mention also progressed for the worse. Alcohol holding him back, not being fully committed to you or future children, financial troubles, in my case parenting partners etc. Alcoholism negatively impacts all
those things and it is also progressive - even if the habits surrounding the actual drinking ebb/flow/change over time.
That is not horrible at all. That is you looking out for you (and no one else can) and a very good thing. You have a little voice inside you that is whispering to you to be careful. To make choices that are in your best interest. Listen closely.
Thank you Thumper. Your ex sounds alarmingly similar to my boyfriend. :-/ That is exactly what happened-- he doesn't get very, very drunk nearly as often as he used to, but he does drink every day, or nearly every day, and sometimes he drinks more than other times. He usually watches the amount that he drinks around me but when there is any "occasion" to binge, he does-- for instance, while on family vacation with my family, he enjoyed drinking large amounts with my father, and he thought it was okay since my father likes to drink a lot too, but I was rather embarrassed that he was so frequently imbibing, and I don't think it's okay that he OR my father drinks that much!
To be honest whenever I was drinking and we would drink together, he would use that as an excuse to go way overboard and it is likely a big reason why I stopped drinking. (I am grateful that it opened my eyes up to it and helped me to stop. I had already wanted to stop drinking/drinking so much before I met him, but then when I focused on the goals that I had for myself I realized I should just stop drinking, and in large part that was fueled by seeing how much HE drank when we were drinking together.)
Right now he has not been drinking for a couple days because we are on a diet and work out plan, it has been great and I wish it could stay like that forever. But I am not naive enough to think that will happen-- he himself likes to brag about times he's gone for a month or more without drinking, when he has been working on physical fitness goals/athletics. And he still smokes pot which in my opinion is just as bad for him mentally/emotionally as the alcohol (although better physically).