With my xah the drinking changed but it was still progressive. It wasn't less destructive, just different.
When I first met him he drank frequently but also got very very drunk. Over time that pattern changed and he got very very drunk much less often but he drank every day. Sometimes that would ease up a bit to just a couple a day (like after one of our children were born) but he's an alcoholic so he always slid back down that hill - a little bit further each time. He'd drink daily with occasional weekends away with is brothers that I didn't witness but I'm sure were binges. The amount he drank each day slowly increased.
That was over a period of years and the other parts you mention also progressed for the worse. Alcohol holding him back, not being fully committed to you or future children, financial troubles, in my case parenting partners etc. Alcoholism negatively impacts all
those things and it is also progressive - even if the habits surrounding the actual drinking ebb/flow/change over time.
he brings up marriage but (this is horrible) I try to downplay that or change the subject, NOT because I'm not in love with him but because I want to see how things go and how bad his drinking gets, or how much better etc.
That is not horrible at all. That is you looking out for you (and no one else can) and a very good thing. You have a little voice inside you that is whispering to you to be careful. To make choices that are in your best interest. Listen closely.