Pigtails

Yeah, I think that is what happens, I get really afraid of him reverting back to the times when he would be such a sloppy drunk. I guess I make excuses for him and think, he's never hit me, he's never been mean or disappeared on me etc. But at one point he would drink way too much, to the point of falling down or needing me to prop him up and help him walk etc. I do not want to have to take care of a sloppy drunk like that. To his credit, a lot of that happened when I drank a lot, too (and was part of what made me change-- I saw that I didn't want our lives to be like that!), and then it continued when I got sober but I told him, I do not want to be around him when he's like that. Given the choice of going out and drinking and/or getting crazy drunk, and being with me, he chooses me, so most of the time things are fine. Even when he has too many now, he doesn't get like that. But I have this nagging fear that eventually he will revert back to that and so when he does something outrageous, like the 12-pack in one night, I start freaking out (inwardly... I try not to say anything to him because I don't want to nag, make things worse etc... I try to just stay focused on myself. I did mention that it's not good for his health and he agreed.)

I think another problem with his drinking is that it's really held him back in life... he has a lot of self-esteem issues and feels like a failure and has not lived up to his potential at all, but it's a continuing cycle b/c he'll feel bad and drink, and drink and feel bad, etc., and, while he has made great strides since we have been together, I feel he will never know his true potential unless he stop drinking/smoking pot. But he thinks that smoking pot helps his anxiety and ADD, and that he "self-medicates" with alcohol and that otherwise he wouldn't be able to deal with his own head. Anyway I guess I'm just rambling now. :-/