Welcome to SR, DB! Yeah, give yourself a break and just stop. Keep reading and posting to SR - it has been invaluable to me, and make a plan. (Although the plan is really pretty simple - do not drink. no matter what.) You have to do whatever you have to do to not drink. Keep reading - there are a lot of good people on here that can lead you in the right direction. You are not alone. Take care and best wishes.