Thank you for posting this, tjp. I also have been pondering the tone and source of this quote. First, I thought it implies the rest of us just don't care enough for our ALOs. But, actually, it's naive thinking if I interpret it correctly, and I pray the poster who uses it can someday look back, read it, and say, "Wow! I have come a long way." After all, I have to say that I used to believe if I just could love ENOUGH.
How much have you sacrificed for the sake of your addicted loved one? In the case of my 27yo AS, between his father and my partner and me, we have probably spent upwards of $45k "helping" him with failed education attempts, rent and grocery money, "therapeutic" vacations, cars, etc. That is on top of the $22k of his college money, of which he blew $16k within 5 months. Notice not one dime spent for rehab as he has REFUSED, REFUSED any type of mental health counseling or drug addiction counseling. What were we to do? I am not a fan of kidnapping and putting into rehab. Maybe we should have. Who knows? I can't put a price tag on the toll this has taken out of my own mental health. I've gone through the guilt trips. I've gone through the what ifs. This is despite other loved ones assuring me I am one of the finest mothers they have ever known. I now believe them. I was a loving mother, and I still am. I just no longer choose to accept blame. I have given my son over to someone who can care for him better than I can---the loving ancient universal spirit whom I call God for want of a better word.
Are you willing to sacrifice more? No. I am not. I cannot speak for his father. My AS has assured me he is fine. He is not an addict. I am finally willing to accept his reality, although I know he is not fine.
Are you willing to sacrifice everything? Nope. I am diving deeper into my faith and my new found church faith community. It is a beautiful, life confirming process. Also, at 57, my partner and I are happily preparing for retirement. And, in that retirement we hope to continue to care for and support our beautiful 3 1/2 yo granddaughter that our son has tossed aside in the pursuit of his addictions. Also, we will continue to properly spoil his 30 yo sister who is a beautiful, happy, hard-charging young MSW. She and her husband are planning on having children, so I want to properly spoil them also. I am no longer willing to let my relationships with other beautiful family members and friends take a back seat to my past obsessions with what my AS might be up to. Mamas, I have had a REVELATION and it is a grand and glorious thing.
Do you agree or disagree with the quote above? It should be clear by now that I totally disagree with this quote.
Has your "sacrifice" helped your loved one find recovery? Oh, heavens no! In fact, my AS has had little incentive to find recovery. After all, his father has pretty much foot the bill for his rent and/or let him stay at his house for the past 9 years. I've done my share of rescuing. My AS is real good at stalling and stringing us on.
Thank you, Mamas. Your thoughtful responses to my OP about the car title loan was THE turning point for me. I had all the steps in place and was working my own recovery, but I see how easy it is for us to slip in our OWN recovery.
I have never heard this quote before and couldn't find it on a google search. It's hard for me to believe it is Christian based in that it appears to give powers to us humans that we don't have. We all know we can't save our ALOs. If it is does come from a "Christian" source, it is a misplaced understanding IMHO of Christianity.