7 in 7 down
Hey gang yes I just completed 7 meetings in 7 days along with 7 shares. The meeting tonight was a surprise for me as it turned out to be an NA meeting but lord knows drugs are apart of my story and I was at home anyway. I cried through most of the meeting because the woman who spoke was brutally honest and honest about her using through her pregnancy and it just tugged at my heart about what kind of mother I want to be.
Last night my ex went off on me calling me all kinds of bitches and when I heard my baby crying in the background I freaked and called the police to check on him and I made my way over there. I live 45 minutes away and I was still there before the police!? Anyhoo my baby was fine my x was just throwing a temper tantrum as always but this really needs to stop. Even the police said I really need to go to court to get the custody stuff figured out. My ex as always was very apologetic and "doesn't know why he says those things to me" but that he doesn't mean them and blah blah blah. To think just a week ago my company got bought out by a bigger company that has locations near him and we were talking about me moving closer.
I'm torn. I know he's a good guy and with work he'll be who he was meant to be. We have some of the same defects. The difference is I am in recovery and he is not. We even talked about maybe working things out in the future which I honestly I would like if he could just drop the abusive flare ups, but I know from experience that abuse gets worse not better.
I could go to court on Tuesday am and file for custody, I don't know if I should go for supervised visits, him having weekends, or what. The bottom line is I feel he is a good dad, but in the back of my mind I don't know what he is capable of when he see's red.
I just want to turn it over to God. God take my will and my life; guide me in my recovery and show me how to live.