hugs and peace to you cherbear.
i have only been here since july so i just read your posts and everyone else's from 5 years ago...no offense...but it seemed like the first posting that you have and the one today is no different.
now, i truly understand why people in this community's first advised when dealing with an A is to run...run...run far away from them...for a minute i thought it was harsh, i read most of the comments that were posted to your first one and every one said, TAKE CARE OF YOU, NO CONTACT...but in the end they said too that its your choice...and there's nothing wrong with you sticking it out with him...but more than ever now i realized that there are things that never really change....love is not enough...yes they will try to get sober but...ONCE AN ADDICT ALWAYS AN ADDICT....after my xabf broke up with me, i was torn to pieces, devastated....the first thing they told me here was try NO CONTACT....the next threads i started still says i miss him...this wonderful man i meant...but then again i was told that I WAS LUCKY and that HE DID ME A FAVOR REALLY for not being with him anymore...i took it one day at a time....its hard...because just like you...HE MEANT THE WORLD TO ME, HE WAS SPECIAL, HE WAS MY SOULMATE....until i stopped caring/enabling...then he found someone else.
i miss my xabf, and i think about him every single day...i miss doing things with him since we share the same interest...am i better now as person? yeah, i could say that...i no longer worry about him being with someone else sniffing coke, drink until he drops and all those things that he does when he is high that sends me to the panic room.
hang in there, have some time for yourself, away from everything so you can sort your feelings and what's on your head out...your HP is looking out for you and know that you are not alone...DO WHAT YOU THINK IS BEST FOR YOU.
hugs and peace again
