Originally Posted by
android1 
I just downloaded the book, I think the reason I have such a hard time making the appointment is because I'm afraid of change. I have always pushed any pain in my life down in to a deep part of me, and locked it up. I'm afraid of pain. I have my way of dealing with it, and while I know it isn't good, I'm afraid of the unknown.
If I have the strength to leave my AW, I must have the strength for that, right?
Your greatest fear is probably also your greatest teacher. What you want to push down and pretend doesn't exist in your sphere will keep coming back up into your world until you actually take the time to deal with it. Pain sucks. I hate it. But, remember, it is also a healer.
Think about it, if we all walked around all day with no emotions whatsoever, how would we know what true happiness was? How would we know happiness or joy if we didn't know pain as well? It's a part of life, and it sucks ass when it comes into your world. But, there it is, wanting you to acknowledge all the pain you've been stuffing down inside, hoping to avoid it. And every time it comes back, it comes back with a harder knock on the door.
Kind of like a collection agent. At first, your bill might be small and not a big deal to worry about. Years later, that bill has grown over 1000% and now the collector is showing up at your house and knocking loudly on your door. At one point, you have to just pay the bill off, regardless of how hard it is, and what it puts you through. And once it's paid, it's PAID.
You will still have disappointments and pain in the future, but, you will know that you paid your earlier pain debt, and this new pain wont be so expensive to pay off. Which means it wont last as long or be so debilitating.