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It was my husband's affair that FINALLY got me dealing with the problem drinking in my marriage. I had not been willing to look at it prior, honestly because it was big and scary, and it would make me look at my "emotional" dependent behaviors (I recently read this somewhere and it fits for me more than co-dependent right now).
He had an affair (and has since married) a woman who I considered a good friend. She also had some problem drinking behaviors while I knew her.
Her ex-husband started dating four months after they split. He actually told me "Don't worry, you will find someone to date and it will all be okay then."
It has been just over two years, and I am still not ready to date (though the thought is not repulsive any longer).
This was a really hard time for me. What was wrong with me that I was the only one in this "mess" that was not dating? Why could they not see that what had occurred was really hard and painful, and even if the relief of dating took it away temporarily, it would come back to haunt us? Was it not being in a relationship that had gotten us all into this mess in the first place?
This is going to sound bizarre but I had to sing "One of these things is not like the other." from Sesame Street....for some time all day, every day.
It was really, really hard to trust that what I was doing was healthy, not reactive and was giving myself a chance to heal.
The follow quote helped me to hold onto this too:
The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.
Friedrich Nietzsche
I love Susan Anderson's book and had a lot of other ones that helped me heal from the impact of alcoholism and also an affair.