Why don't you want to make the appointment? Dig down deep inside, maybe freehand some words, or explanation on paper and try to figure it out. I have been recommending this book all over the place this weekend, but see if you can get Susan Anderson's A journey from Abandonment to Healing. It puts a lot of what we are all here going through into perspective. And teaches you how to heal from issues that might have been in your life before your marriage. It really is brilliant. It's also on Amazon Kindle, which you know has a free PC download version of Kindle. You can be reading within a matter of a minute or two,