L2L, at first I was like what right do you have to judge me. But wait, that was why I posted on here.
Fun for me is doing the things I like to do. Last night I went and had dinner with a few friends, spur of the moment. Before that I went for a nice drive in the county. Yesterday morning I helped the before mentioned friend move into her new house. That was probably not the best thing to do.
Today I'm just relaxing, I might go for a bike ride and do some shopping. Tomorrow I'm driving a friend to the airport. I have cleared my life of so many responsibilitys, even before I met my wife, I had 2 achers in the country to maintain, and 6 cats to take care of. An old car that required a lot of maintenance. All that is gone. I'm in an apartment, with no pets, no yard work, and I have one reliable car.
I'm enjoying all this free time I haven't had in years. With the wife, it was even more responsibility. Cleaning up her messes and taking care of her when she was sick. Trying to figure out how to
lease the unpleaseable.
I know I'm not divorced yet. I plan to be in the next month. I know that even then I'm not ready for a relationship. I know this is just a crush. I know that my wife has moved in her boyfriend, and that makes me sad. I want to love and be loved again.
The hard part of taking the crush out of the picture is that we have been friends for 10 years. And we have worked together for over 2. We work in a high stress environment, and that has brought us closer as friends. If it was 3 years ago, I wouldn't worry about anything happening, I would know that I could leave it at a crush.
But right now I'm venerable and if she breaks it off with her bf, she would be to. It may never come to that.
I need to make that appointment for counseling. I know I need to. I can see clearly what I should do, I just don't want to do it.