I just want to have fun
I've been separated from my AW of 1.5 years for about a month now. Things went bad quickly in our marriage, but I had hoped to love her out if it. Haha. But the constant drinking, the cheating, and the lack of trust that comes along with that wore me out.
Now I am free! Working on getting the divorce, but it seems that will be as pain less as a divorce can be.
Right now though, I just want to have fun and live again. I'm not saying I want to be irresponsible. I know that I have codie, ACOA, and other issues I should be dealing with.
I need to go to alanon, I need to go to therapy. But the only thing I do is read and post here. And talk about my issues with friends.
Like I said I just want to have fun. I'm finding that I'm enjoying my free time, and being able to decide what, where and whom I want to do anything with. I should clarify that I'm not doing anything that would be considered risky behavior.
With of course one exception. I'm letting my self fall in love with a long time friend and coworker. It wouldn't be as bad if she wasn't in a 1+ year LTR. She has been a great friend through my split with my wife, and even says that I am her best friend. I have helped her through her past break-ups too.
But I know that she has the same codie and ACOA issues I have. And she is still in a relationship. I don't want to be the one to cause a break-up. And I know that going into a relationship, fresh out of relationship, is a stupid ideas. It is not what I want to do. I'm more afraid that it is what I might do.
If I could just take a step back from our friendship, I would. And I try to just be work friends. And so far it is working. And I shouldn't worry about what ifs. I know I need to be single for a while.
Mostly I need advice on just wanting to have fun and not work on recovery. I know the rest will fall into place. About the friend that I am falling in love with, that was mostly me just confessing. I needed to get it out and here on SR is a safe place to do it.