So I haven't been on this site in quite awhile. Its the most recent and traumatic events in my life that have brought me back. I had continued to be with the "wonderful man" that started this thread, back 5 years ago. It was all a continuous sick cycle carousel of life that we had been on. He would be clean for 1-2, maybe 3 months tops. He would relapse, be gone for 1-2 days, return, depressed, a shell of himself. I would forgive (but not forget) and life would slowly get better. Repeat cycle. However, a month ago today, he returned from one of his "adventures" and said that he had to tell me something. All along, while he was gone on these costly and dangerous adventures, I would ask him if there were any women involved. Any contact, physical stuff. He would say over and over again that he would never do that to me. He would never put me at risk and that he loved me more then to ever do something like that. Yeah, well.... I'm a sucker for believing that. He had been performing physical acts with prostitutes, crack whores, whoever, all along all these years. I was crushed. I was shocked and scared. I told him that I would need to see him fight, for himself and for me. 2 weeks later, I had seen no efforts on his part, and I started to pull away. 1 more week passed, and he told me that he was leaving. He was going to move out, that he didn't want to hurt me and my children anymore. Now I know that rationally, I should be happy to have this waste of a relationship done.... I know that someday I will feel that way. But as of this moment, I am destroyed. I feel like he has turned his back on me, like I'm not worth the effort. Not worth fighting for. I feel abandoned and alone and helpless. I've been crying all the time for the past 3 days (since the UHaul came and took what he had away) and I'm a shell of myself. Please, anyone that may have gone through this, I could use some inspiring words for strength.
