I'm learning a new "normal" everyday - thanks ladies...
1) I'm starting not to hide things anymore
2) I'm not "waiting" for an unannounced show up, call up or email to try to pull at my heart strings or to blackmail
3) I'm slowly starting to take my phone off silent - even tho I changed my number in June, I still have "jumped" when hearing someone trying to call or text me
4) that I won't worry about running into him anywhere anymore (heartbreaking if he looked bad or with someone else... - the latter never happened thank goodness).
I go back and forth with these (thankful for the above) and overwhelming sadness of what a fecking waste it all was/is that everyone (enablers, loved ones and people who use) suffer so much just to face this ending.
3 weeks today he passed away... and the grief seems so much stronger at times but a relief also is following as well.
sigh.
Here's to moving forward. I wish everyone a peaceful and serene eve