if you do not have large amounts of money they make you wait sometimes
for months before they let you in.
Salvation Army has a really great program (rehab) that is about 6 months long and
best of all IT IS FREE!!!!!
If he really wants recovery, he would have found a rehab or gone to NA and found
a sponsor and asked those folks for help.
Again, he was going through the motions, but his heart and soul were not in it. IF
and that is a big IF when he gets out he does start working a program, I still suggest
that he go to a Sober Living Facility to learn from other addicts how to live sober in
society, before returning to your home. In a SLF he will be required to follow rules,
do chores, and GET A JOB to be self supporting through his own contributions.
Again, after a year, if he has been truly working a program of recovery, and his
actions show he is changing for the better, then and only then, if I were you, would
I consider allowing him back into the home.
Right now, his talk of wanting recovery is just that talk, usually called 'jail talk',
again promising any thing to get bailed out or to have a place to go when the person
does get out.
The other thing I have considered is reporting my stolen property to the police
and since he pawned it, he would get charges added but I am just not that vin-
dictive no matter how much he has taken from me.
This would not be 'being vindictive' this would be allowing him to feel the consequences
of his actions. By not reporting the stolen items you are once again 'enabling' the
addict.
I know it is hard, my mom told me just how hard it was when she called the police on
me because I was attempting to break into their home to again 'steal' some items to
pawn. But I can tell you that it was a wake up call of sorts and I did no more stealing,
although at that point it still took me another 2 years and 3 months to find recovery.
Three months prior to that they told me that 'it' was my problem and that until I 'fixed'
my problem they would have no more contact with me. That if I called on the phone
they would hang up, if I came to the door it would be closed in my face, and that if
I attempted to steal from them the cops would be called. They showed me they meant
business.
So after getting out, I moved across country to California, ended up living on the streets
of Hollyweird for 1 1/2 years (a far distance from my upper middle class life) and finally
found recovery.
So having the consequences of his actions (the stealing of your jewelry) come to light
is just another step to him finding his 'bottom'. And your son will also get to see what
happens when a person STEALS. He will also see and as he gets older understand that
his mom is a kind and caring person, but NOT a 'push over' and a person who believes
in doing the next correct thing.
Our children learn as much, maybe even more, from our actions than from our words.
They learn by seeing us 'walk as we talk.'
Your AH has a very long road ahead of him, and it is going to be a very rocky road for
you and your son. Sending healing thoughts and prayers for all 3 of you.
Stay strong. Remember we are now walking with you in spirit, so you are never alone.
Come here 24/7 to vent, to cry, to rant, to rave, to scream, and yes to laugh.
I will also suggest Alanon and/or Naranon. I suggest Alanon because there are in most
areas many more Alanon meetings than Naranon meetings so that it is easier to find
some that fit in with one's schedule. They are a great place to get some face to face
support and to get some phone numbers of folks to call when you are having a 'melt
down' and yes 'melt downs' do happen to the best of us.
So, please keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care so very
much.
Love and hugs,