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Old 08-31-2012, 06:06 PM
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zoso77
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
 
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Join Date: Jan 2012
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Originally Posted by Nickidt1 View Post
I have been married for 8 years now, I have a 6 year old son and a step son. About 3 1/2 years ago My husband started giving less and less money towards bills. He still worked the same but now he had nothing to contribute, there was always a reason. That is when I found out he was addicted to pain pills. He started stealing money I kept hidden, large amounts, and I threw him out. For the next few days he would drop money off at the house for me and said he was going into rehab. Then he went to jail, I like a dummy bailed him out since he was taking steps in the right direction. He was gone for a total of 101 days. I let him back home, things were fine for a short while although he still was not working. Then he fell back again, he went to detox around 3 seperate occasions but not back to rehab, he could not get in. I thought since the last time around a month ago that he was clean. He was arrest two weeks ago for driving on a suspended and since he was on probation they picked him up for VOP. He has been in jail a week and a half. I found out that on top of ALL of my jewelery including stuff that special people have bought for me over the past 20 years, the money he stole from me and my son's piggy bank. The cigarettes he helps himself to, all of the business equipment he has sold not to mention thing I don't know about, my brand new weed eater was missing when I went to mow. When he called me a few days ago I asked about the weed eater he just said sorry. I told him that he needs to come clean about everything instead of just letting me find little by little because each time is like day one. He told me about my pool cues, $1200 worth. I was furious and went to the pawn shop, when I got there he owed 3 times what he told me and I found out he had pawned his sons dirt bike and his IPod just a week prior to him getting arrested. Now this is the time I "thought" he was clean. I do not know what is best for my son. Aside from the lies and the stealing, the fact that he makes no money and when he does he spends it on pills, he is a great guy. He is the type to make me dinner, rub my back, my feet, open doors for me etc. But I do not want to be stolen from or used. I know if I did not have my son I would have been gone from the beginning but, is it fair to take his dad away over money? Help me I do not know what is right and what is wrong. By the way I have been taking care of all four of us for 3 years now, I work 2 jobs and full time student, I do not need him but, does my son?
Welcome to the Board. I see you're from North Port; my brother has a home in Sarasota. I love the Gulf Coast.

As others have commented, your husband is a sick, sick guy. He's an addict. And he will steal, lie, cheat, and manipulate anyone, including you, to get what he wants. So long as he's actively using and is not in recovery, this will continue unabated. The following caught my attention:

Aside from the lies and the stealing, the fact that he makes no money and when he does he spends it on pills, he is a great guy.
If you had a kid sister going through exactly what you're going through right now and she said this, what you would say?

I'm not a marriage counselor, so I'm not going to tell you how to deal with your AH. What I encourage you do is educate yourself. Before you make any sort of decisions that will affect both you and your son, you need to know exactly what it is you're up against. Start with the sticky notes at the top of the home page -- "What Addicts Do" is a must read.

There are some among us that are recovering addicts themselves, and they will no doubt weigh in on your situation. I encourage you to pay attention to them, for they've been on that dark, dark path and have had to do a lot of work to pull themselves out of that self destructive spiral.

This is a critical time for you. You need to have your eyes and ears open. Learn all you can here and attend a local Al Anon and/or Nar Anon meeting so you can get support in person.

Hang in there...

ZoSo
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