Hi Dave and glad you are here. Everything you said in your original post was not at all new to me.
I blamed anxiety, panic attacks, depression and complete lack of interest in a lot of things on everything BUT the alcohol. Once I finally made the decision to quit....and admit to the problem...it WAS different. I too had quit many times before but always for other reasons besides because I admitted I had a problem and that I am an alcoholic. It felt different for me too.
I know I could not have stayed sober for the last 60+ days if it were not for the fact that I humbly admit that I have a problem and I can't solve it alone.
Anyway, glad you are here! Jalyn