kyleg

Hey all,

Just woke up, I couldn't fall asleep until 6 this morning. Still only the 1 or 2 hours of sleep at a time, it seems like just enough time to have a super vivid dream about drinking, then wake up mad at myself. Until I realize it was just a dream, then I feel a little better. I am experiencing a very odd feeling this morning...hunger!! I realized I'm actually hungry and want some breakfast, coffee and juice, not just booze. It was weird because I woke up feeling like I had to vomit again and figured I was gonna be nauseous/vomiting all day...when I stood up my stomach let out the loudest and longest growl I have ever heard, guess I should get some food. I'm gonna go get that breakfast.

My big dilemma today is I have to tell my younger brother what's going on. We are really close and it is not hard to be honest with each other. I just feel like since he has always looked up to me and I have become such a mess and hiding how much I'm drinking that I have let him down or something. He just moved and I was supposed to come over today and check his new place out, then we were gonna go see the band moe at a local brewery by his house. After that show he is playing with his band at another local bar out there. I know there is no way I could go to those shows tonight and not have a drink, it's a suicide mission. I hope he understands. moe is playing in my town in November and I'm thinking about buying him a ticket and making that my first sober show. He is gonna play more shows with his band that I'll be able to see, but I don't know if I will have another chance at getting sober if I go back to booze. I'm sure he'll be disappointed but I hope he understands, I think he knows something has been up in the last couple of months. I decided to be honest with myself, now it's time for the ones I love.

Thanks for being here guys, seriously.

peace
Kyleg