Panacea, Welcome!
I could have written your post, as a matter of fact, I think I have before! Lol
I am only eleven days sober. Before that, despite my best intentions, as soon as the hang over faded I would buy that next bottle every time. I was baffled at my overwhelming urge to drink in the face of my desire to quit. Something that helped me tremendously was Addicted Voice Recognition Technique (AVRT). It is a way to help you identify your addicted voice and separate yourself from it so you can deal with it rationally. There is a lot written about it in the Secular connections part of this forum. It's not an expensive treatment plan you have to go the doctor for, you can get started just by reading things on the web. Rational Recovery uses it, if you google it you will find plenty of info.
I have started reading The Big Book as well, but going to AA meetings in my town isnt an option for me so I am exploring alternatives.
The fact that you have taken this step to reach out is huge, it was the first step for me to stop the insanity. Please keep posting, especially when you are struggling. There is so much support here, it blows me away. Hugs.