glad yer here and welcome!!
i crossed the line into full blown alcoholism somewhere atound 1996. that was when i no longer needed an excuse and it didnt matter how hard i tried, i just could not not drink.
it wasnt until 05 that i got to the point of desperation. the pain of getting drunk exceeded the pain of reality. i was a worthless, useless, hopeless, helpless alcoholic one drink away from suicide.
it was then that i went to AA. i was amazed that the Big Book of alcoholics anonymous( you can google"big book online and read it) had me and my thinking already layed out!! a book published 28 years before i was born!!
the road to recovery through AA has been a blessing. i am no longer suicidal and have become an active, productive member of society.