Morning Panacea...Welcome to SR. Lots of folks here, me included going through the same thing. Scary and frustrating isn't it. To repeatly wake up in the morning, with your rational mind in tact saying 'I will not drink today' only to begin the debate again around 4 p.m., (when the other voice takes over) then take the first drink, keep going, and wake up the next morning sad and disappointed in yourself.
Just like Bill Murray in the movie 'Groundhog Day', except it is not funny.
Equally as frustrating and scary is the idea of never drinking again.
So, you are at the beginning of the jouney. Welcome. Posting here was a great first step.Only you can make this work. Lots of support and advice here. Sound like from your post you have many, many reasons to kick alcohol out of your life.
Wishing you the best. Please keep posting.
Jim