Panacea

Hey all, This is my first posting. I have been stalking the site for about a month and reading your posts. They have all been inspirational and extremely helpful. After waking up this morning with another hangover, I have decided to try and commit to quitting drinking (unfortunatley I say this every morning). I think/know I am in real trouble and am not sure how to move forward with this. Joining this site and saying I am quiting outloud - or at least in writing - is a huge step for me. I have tried to stop drinking in the past and have never made it past 3 days - usually it is just one.

I drink everyday and consume more calories in alcohol than in actual food. The newest development is that I am no longer a functional alcoholic. i have conversations at night with my kids and husband that I don't remember and I think my mind is going. The toll of alcohol has affected every aspect of my life and I need to stop. I am embarrassed, sad and tired. I fear that I am setting my kids up for the same path that I have taken - a well paved road to alcohol addiction. I am really worried that I can not stop. I say the same thing everymorning - I will not drink today, but by 4 pm - that is all I can think about. I lie to myself and say that I will just have one or two drinks and it ends up being 7. I try to titrate the effects by switching from vodka to wine to beer throughout the evening. I need help but am worried about how people would view me if they really knew how much I drink. How did I let this happen to myself. I am 46 years old and have been drinking consistently and hard since college. i am the definition of insanity.
Here is to hoping that I can finally clear the mental/willpower hurtle and stop.
Panacea