Welcome to SR FetaCheese
Hugs!
Whatever you do, please get some help to quit drinking. I was not the type to seek support but who knew that things were actually possible if you just asked for help when you needed it. Going to AA might help you meet some people in your area too. Or have a look into some other recovery methods. Whatever you do, don't try to drink your way through the hard times. It never ends well. And on the other side so much is possible
Please forgive yourself and move on from this situation. Things will get better x