Welcome to the site. Sounds like you're sick and tired of being sick and tired. Time to make some changes for the better. I quit drinking over two years ago and no longer hate myself. I don't wake up wishing I were dead. I am happy with my life and participate in it instead of just drinking myself numb all the time.
I hope you can find the strength to quit drinking. It take some work and some time but it's worth the effort.
