Thanks everyone and thanks for the welcome to Canada! It's my first time living here as I am actually European.
I have found a place and will sign the lease next week. It will work well for me and the dogs. I will not be able to move in for another week, but that's ok. At least I know we will have a nice home.
Today he called and said that he found a lawyer he likes, but he is asking $2000 retainer. Just yesterday I told ABF said I don't have any money right now because I have to pay back my parents who helped pay for the move and need money for rent, etc. He was irritated when I said that I don't have it now. Later I informed him, after doing the math, that I won't have it next month either.
I have $26,000 of cc debt, largely because I have supported both of us and we lived above our means. With some money coming in and a higher salary, I will be able to pay it off fairly quickly, but only if I put a good chunk of my paycheck towards the credit cards for the next six months. This means that I can't support him or pay a lawyer right now. I told him that and it made him angry, which again made me angry. All I said is that we need an additional income. To be fair, he has been working hard on a new business with competent partners, but it has not yet yielded an income to speak of and we can't afford this.
I can tell now that he is struggling with not being able to drink, gets angry easily, and gets insecure and feels like I don't want him here. It's true that I don't want him here if it means more of the same AND financial struggle. I told him "I need your help. We need a second income. I am terrified of this debt and the only reason it doesn't make lose my sanity is that I CAN pay it off, but only with some severe cutting back. I NEED YOUR HELP." I also will not sacrifice a nice home for savings. I work mostly from home and need to feel good there.
I think it scares him, but it needs to be done. He is highly skilled and shouldn't have a problem getting some small projects. I have to stop feeling guilty for asking my partner for help financially. Seriously, it's messed up. I supported us on a grad student stipend and as a postdoc (always on a visa with restrictions regarding work) and now I refuse to increase this debt. I am on a work permit and can only do the job specified on my work permit, so working another job to speed up paying off the debt would violate my visa status. He needs to step up. But damn, I feel GUILTY!
