I can really relate to what you're going through. As I think everyone here knows, my AS was murdered on April 4. I still tear up at some point every day - something will trigger a thought, a memory. Every time I witness something beautiful in nature - leaves blowing through the trees, a perfect summer day, a flock of birds rushing up into the sky - I enjoy it for a moment, and then think, "he'll never have the opportunity to see and appreciate that again." And then a moment later, I remember - he hadn't been appreciating things like that for quite awhile when he was alive, as he was entirely focused on his heroin high. So sad.