He is not capable of being the man you fell in love with. He isn't that person anymore. That was the dream. This is the reality.
The reality is painful as hell.
But you ARE better off without him, then with him. You are better off not living with the daily abuse, the daily drinking, the daily pain...you deserve so much better.
This is perhaps the best thing that could have happened. I'm sorry it hurts so much. But you really are better off.
I know how it feels trying to let go of the person you thought he was, so badly wanting to go back to the way things were...but the most painful thing is recognizing that the person who left you isn't the person you fell in love with anyway.
The person who left you is a stranger, a person incapable of loving you as you deserve to be loved. Incapable of giving you what you need or being trusted.
You deserve os much better then that.
It will get better. I promise.
It does get easier. I'm almost a month into this. It still hurts but the pain has lessened.