First, you should be happy you're out of an abusive relationship.
Second, you should stop drinking if nothing more than to clear your thinking.
Third, visit some AA groups in your area.
Fourth, imagine you have a daughter, now imagine that she has grown up and that she is your age. You would want the best for her, for her to be happy, honest, accountable, to have integrity.
Fifth, now live your life like that imaginary daughter, you deserve it!