IF you're an alcoholic......and if you have alcoholism like I do......then I'd advise getting to work on that - quickly. I'm not downplaying the relationship, drowning out feelings, and so forth but IF you're an alcoholic, THAT'S the reason you drink/drank - not "because of" him.....or to drown out sadness.....or to escape.
I used to think I had a hundred reasons for my drinking. All along there was really only one - and I couldn't see it until I got sober. That one reason was this - I drank because I'm alcoholic. period.
I drank when my marriage was crappy....but I also drank when it was good. Drank after bad days.......and after good days. Drank over "issues" and drank when there weren't any pressing issues. Now mind you, I didn't drink 24/7......but I did drink a lot and I drank when I planned to NOT drink. Bottom line......my problem was "living life sober." Whenever I'd try to do that, without the proper tools and power, I'd end up drunk.
Like I told Username
HERE, it's going to get better or it's going to get worse - your call. You're going to change one way or another.......I hiiiiiighly recommend the changing-for-the-better route. You won't believe how much better life can get and how much better it can feel.