lizatola

You got that right! It's taken me years to admit to my errors in all of this. You know, in the counseling sesson my AH said, "Well, you married your father, you just didn't realize how much like him I was." Then the therapist said, "You did choose him." To which I said, "Yes, but when I married him, he had quit drinking and was committing to church and other positive changes in his life. I didn't realize how bad the alcohol problem was and I was young and naive and in love and I thought that church friends and positive influences would be enough to keep us on that growth path." I was wrong, but I didn't have a crystal ball and I couldn't predict that his negative patterns would get worse over time and that he'd pretty much turn his back on church, etc.

I've finally realized that people change and it's not always for the better. My AH did pay me a wonderful compliment during the session. He said, "You aren't like ANYONE in my family and I specifically designed my choice like that." Well, this reveals a lot because his family is what he is used to. They are all anxious, alcohol dependent, back biting, and angry people. So, when I came into the picture with my fairy tale thinking and positive outlook, I'm sure I was a breath of fresh air but I'm also not like his family and that makes him uncomfortable. I won't argue and get down in the mud pit with him like he wants. I won't throw other human beings under the bus, etc. Anyway, a lot came out of that 1 hour session and I feel good because my eyes are finally opened so I came out of there in a good mood and just ready to get back to life. Recovery is refreshing, I just wish that I wasn't still so trapped in 'accepting the unacceptable' still. Things still need to change....awareness is key!