greetings SLF
my qualifier was a boyfriend. I even went to two separate recovery retreats, as I was quite serious about my own recovery (!!) and I felt, like you, as though I would be "judged" for having "chosen" to be in a relationship with an addict rather than having been born into it
the truth is that the connection is love
it may not be the most functional, or the healthiest, but it is still love and you have to learn thru the principles of recovery how to best deal with your life at this point!
for me it felt like this...I have an older brother who is basically estranged, I have let him go 99.9% in my life because of conflicts between us. for those who want to say that it is easier to let go of a boyfriend rather than a family member...I beg to disagree!
now, granted, I did eventually make the very hard decision to do what seemed like the absolute best thing for my spirit, my heart, my mind, and even my body (!) and that was to separate from my ex. but that was MY decision...and we all have to live our OWN lives...getting the assistance, support and love of those people involved in al anon is going to help you feel more serene, find more clarity, and feel more closely connected to your own spirit...regardless of decision
you will not be judged
if you are it is probably an unhealthy meeting and you can find another
oftentimes the shame we are experiencing is so much a part of our own projection
shame, if you feel it, is going to be a really rich and fertile ground for you to explore...it will reveal many areas of your own self that are seeking growth, acceptance and understanding
do not be afraid of shame...just keep exploring it...with the help of others to gain perspective!
above all KUDOS to you on making a move toward your own recovery!