hi SettingSunset - I know your dilemna. My AH didn't "let me" tell anyone about his alcoholism for quite some time. It was a point of contention between us - he felt like I didn't have the right to tell people since it was *his* problem. Newsflash...it's my problem, too! I told him that it wasn't fair for him to have a support system and for me not to have one. He's still uncomfortable with me telling anyone, and so far, I've just told two friends (unfortunately i don't really talk to either of them anymore so there goes that support network) and my sister. I'm TERRIFIED to tell my parents. I have no idea how to even tell them. They're not stupid - they've seen him drink too much - but being from an old world mentality, drinking to excess at family gatherings & holidays isn't out of the ordinary.
My dad has a drinking problem as well - when he retired, he was hiding vodka in water bottles - and my mom told him stop or get out...so that makes things more complicated and I feel like my mom will not be understanding or supportive. Both my parents are shocked that AH has turned out as well as he has given the family issues he had growing up (kicked out of the house too too young, went to go live with his older half-sister, parents are completely out of his life). To the outside world, he DOES look put together - he's a professor and is teaching his guts out - but to the small circle of people in the know, he's in a world of hurt.
For those of us with the private pain of having an alcoholic in our lives, it's terribly isolating and a heavy burden to bear alone. I'm still trying to figure out who to "trust" with this information. Right now, the folks I've been most honest with have been my sister (although we haven't discussed it in weeks) and my BIL & SIL, and although they're on AH's "side" and are encouraging me to keep talking to him and telling me that change won't happen overnight. Sigh.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's your problem, too. Tell whomever you need to have in your support network so that they can actually help & support you.