Welcome Jaz. I, too, clung to the days when drinking was still fun & somewhat manageable. Trouble was, they were 20 yrs. ago. I had progressed into being totally dependent on it. There was no more fun - just misery & danger. In the end, it was a necessity - so I wouldn't shake.
We know you can do this, Jaz. Keep posting with your progress & thoughts. You aren't alone.