Really sad to hear this Sally
I'm not suggesting you abandon AA but if that isn't getting through have you looked into anything else to help...AVRT, SMART, Allen Carr, or just some of the CBT stuff that's out there. I hate that bit in the big book that says that some people are constitutionally incapable of being honest like that will make them incapable of recovery. Honesty is a skill, and something that can be forgotten and worked on. I found that writing things down helped me see the holes in my thinking. This is helping me right now too...
http://www.nta.nhs.uk/uploads/itep_r...rt2_180209.pdf ...skip through to the worksheets. You're an intelligent woman Sally, there's no reason you can't get yourself free from this. My thoughts are with you x