My Grandma died and i used it to self indulgently go on a 3 day binge . On her death i was immediately thinking how soon and how much drink i could get down my neck rather than anything approaching remorse or grieving.
I had already accepted i was alcoholic 7 or 8 years ago and thought i was'nt doing much harm to anyone and was happy to die slowly. I didn't like how the beast had shaped what i'd become and had to change it at all or any cost .
Bestwishes, M