The less control she has over you, the more out of control she's going to become. Count on it.
The counselor you choose should be someone who has experience with spouses of alcoholics, primarily, and not someone with whom you can analyze your AW. I understand the impulse to find someone who will make sense of her for you and the desire to just figure her out so you know how to handle her in the right way.
But really, once someone is an alcoholic, the alcoholic brain is running that person, and all the other life-issues like ACOA, past traumas, shame issues, trust issues, marriage issues, all of it....has no effect on either her thinking or her behavior. It is full-blown ADDICTION that runs her every thought and every action.
When you change the status quo, when you seek outside help, when you set boundaries, when you act as if you have some self-respect, she will revolt. Alcoholics need things to remain just the way they have demanded they remain because keeping that status quo is what has been helping them drink.
She is going to try to bully you into guilt, shame, fear, and self-doubt.
Do not go there. Get into counseling and start to make a long-term plan to take action to deal with your situation. Your children need you to do that. Her alcoholism is PERMANENT. So get that help you plan to seek, and get going on changing the status quo in your household.